Of Pranks and Jelly
by Redi Chalyn
Summary: Commander Shepard is too serious and Joker thinks she needs to lighten up before they take on the Collectors. Oh dear...Oneshot.


Joker had that evil grin on his face he only got when planning some form of prank. Last time, it had been convincing Tali to reprogram EDI to speak in pig-latin. He thought it was hilarious, but Shepard hadn't been so enthralled and had demanded the AI be changed back. This time, he was going to prank Shepard herself. If there was one thing she hated, it was being on the receiving end of one of his infamous pranks, though she always ended up laughing at herself with everyone else. At least, that's how it had been on the old Normandy. Now, with the collectors...Joker shook his head, knowing that the greater threat was an even bigger reason the commander needed to loosen up. It was settled then, and he began plotting his prank.

The Normandy SR-2 docked at the Citadel and all non-essential crew members got off to have a few hours of shore leave while Shepard took Thane and Kasumi to take care of some personal business of Thane's. Joker got up slowly and hobbled toward the airlock, then an idea crossed him. He caught Dr. Chakwas's attention as she was going by, motioning her over. "Hey Doc, can I ask a favor for old times' sake?"

"You don't need to bring up old times, Jeff. What do you need?" Dr. Chakwas had a look of concern which was quickly replaced by suspicion as she saw the look on Joker's face.

"Here," Joker pulled out his omni tool, transferring some credits to the doctor's account, "can you get me some jelly, or jam? It doesn't matter what kind."

Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow, looking at the amount of credits. "What on earth do you need jam for, Jeff? What are you planning this time?"

Joker waved her question away. "I just miss the taste. Space fair just doesn't cut it sometimes."

Dr. Chakwas sighed, shaking her head. "Alright, I'll bring you some. In the meantime, try not to...never mind." She went out the airlock and onto the Citadel, and Joker sat back down in his chair.

* * *

It was several hours before most of the crew returned, Dr. Chakwas among them. She stopped by the cockpit and handed Joker a variety pack of different jellies. Joker smiled mischievously and got up, hobbling to the elevator and going up to Shepard's private cabin, setting his plan into motion.

Hours later, Shepard returned with Thane and Kasumi. The thief waved and went to her lounge, while Shepard and Thane shared a silent moment of understanding before going their separate ways. Thane went to the life support room, Shepard staying on the CIC for a bit before going to the elevator. It wasn't long before her shriek of dismay could be heard even without the comm system, shortly followed by EDI popping up beside Joker. "It seems as though Commander Shepard has found your gift." Joker laughed, waiting for the inevitable.

The elevator door opened and no one on deck dared say anything or even look as Shepard marched to the cockpit. She stood behind Joker, hands balled into fists. "You. You son of a-"

"Aw come on Commander. You look good in shades of red and purple." Joker smiled, knowing she wouldn't actually hit him though he was sure she wanted to.

Shepard glared at him long and hard, jellies of all different varieties dripping off her and onto the floor. "If you didn't like my wardrobe, you had only to mention a color change. You didn't need to waste valuable time and effort setting up a...a..."

EDI popped up. "Records indicate the device used is known as a spring trap, once commonly used by humans on Earth."

Shepard glared at the AI's image before returning to Joker. A glob of jelly slid from her nose, plopping on her breast. "You...you..."

Someone cleared their throat behind her and she turned around, seeing Thane standing there looking quite amused. "If I may say so, Shepard, you do look more colorful. A bit sticky, but much more colorful." He smiled. "It suits you."

Shepard shook with anger as another glob of jelly rolled from her forehead, landing on her eyelid just as she blinked. She looked at her reflection in a mirror Thane had acquired at some point, then paused before laughing. "Bloody hell...I do look like Smuckers and Welch got into a fight."

Joker visibly relaxed and started laughing as well, shortly joined by the rest of the crew on the CIC. It was great to see her relax like this, and he nodded his thanks to the Drell for making sure she did in fact understand the joke.


End file.
